Pillow Talk #1
- “Love” by TKGW
Pamela:
I have been intimate with two girls. One of whom never took no for an answer and the other said she wanted a relationship, but it turns out she only wanted a child. I did not give her the child, which partly was the cause of her cheating on me. Both of whom say that I am good in bed, but because of these experiences, I am afraid to be intimate with anyone else. Any suggestions?
I know that probably sounds like a lame question. :(
Hey, aww, this is a very cute question.
Everybody is different. Having sex w/ someone new will always be a new experience. It can be scary but it can also be very exciting. Discovering someone intimately, physically is such an exhilarating challenge and you only get to enjoy it at the very beginning of your relationship!
I could give you a whole bunch of tips but the truth is, if you and a nice lady have an emotional connection, it won’t really matter if you’re a skilled stallion in the sack. Is it possible that you’re actually more afraid of opening yourself up to someone emotionally rather than worried about your sexual performance?
It is much more difficult to put ourselves in an emotionally vulnerable position than it is to learn how to eat the best pussy of all time. You’ve been taken advantage of, treated w/ little concern for your own satisfaction by one lady… and then betrayed by the next when you refused to just give her what she demanded. It would be completely understandable if you didn’t feel awesome about sex.
But sex is sex and everyone can do it. My advice to you is to work on loving yourself, becoming as awesome as you can be. Think about what qualities you admire in other people, and what you want from a partner. And look for a lady who’s got it all going on who loves you back and takes care of you too. And the sex thing will come naturally.
If you just want to fuck, then swallow your fear, pick up a chick, and have fun with it! You can have sex that is completely un-intimate. But I never said it was great :)
so I have a sex question for you…
So I’m recently just out of a 3 year relationship and basically just want to have some fun, get laid, and nothing too serious. i want to explore, maybe go to a swingers party, try a threesome, etc. Do you think there are many women that would be open or receptive to that type of activity? It seems many women just want to settle down or get married..
Yes, definitely. You will have the best luck joining some websites and social groups to meet other people w/ the same interest. I’m going to assume that you’re just into being w/ lots of people, and that you’re not necessarily interested in BDSM & other fetishes.
This is the route that worked for me.
Try Internet dating. I like www.okcupid.com. It’s a good site w/ a large base of Chicago members, funny profiles, pics and other interactive stuff. Plus, a LOT of people are on there just for hookups, so if you’re not looking for a relationship this will work better than Match.com or whatever. If you’re into fetishes, you can try fetlife.com.
Date a bunch of girls. Talk to them about what they’re into. There is a large subculture of people practicing “alternative” sexual lifestyles out there-and by alt I basically mean there are a lot of people who are bisexual, swingers, poly-amorous, in open relationships, etc. If you are cool and spend some time digging around, you can find what you are looking for.
Sometimes you can just ask what a chick is down for if you’re respectful and good at reading people. A lot of people will be completely up front about what they’re looking for from an internet date, but most will want to get to know you first, natch. I’ve had great luck having a couple AIM conversations before we set a date. It’s easy (for me) to develop a rapport and I feel comfortable going into the date. Some people prefer phone calls. Go w/ what you like.
Whatever you do, be fucking interesting. I insta-block anyone who says “What’s up I’m bored lol.”
Once you’ve met a girl or two who’s down, check out a Swingers party. There are a few popular ones in the suburbs. I rec: http://www.coupleschoice.com/
You may be tempted to try and get a couple of your gal pals drunk and “see where things go” i,e, pressure them into making out. I can’t suggest this for a beginner such as yourself. It’s best to go through a couple seasoned sluts (easy enough to find online) and learn what you’re doing, before you attempt to make a slut out of a friend.
Unless you own a hot tub and a totally awesome margarita machine.
I’m no expert but I want to hear the questions you wouldn’t dare to ask your mother! email me at pamelaneko@gmail.com